This disconnection and emotional distance is very confusing and exhausting for me, because even though there may be nothing going on between us, this relationship still weighs heavily on my mind and heart. It feels like it's not over, it's just hanging. However, doubts, fears, and perhaps emotional immaturity are holding me back and preventing me from taking a step that would clear up all these unfinished feelings. This uncertainty between you and me is something I still haven't been able to deal with. I could never be indifferent to you, I had just learned to pretend well. To pretend that it didn't matter, that it didn't matter to me, that I could easily move on. But the truth is that I never moved on, I just kept quiet. I tried my best for you one last time; an effort that was from the bottom of my heart, Without calculation, without pride. I knew it might not end well, I knew my fate would probably be only disappointment, but I did it anyway, because I didn't want to regret not saying it or not fighting later. I told you things that no one had ever made me say. Of my fears, of my dependence, of the weakness I had only in front of you. I had never wanted to save or fix a relationship so much. But now I understand that when the effort is only from one side, it feels more like a loving folly than a sign of strength; a folly that comes from hope, from attachment, from not wanting to lose. And perhaps that's the most painful part of it all; that I gave it my all, even when I knew it might not work out.